Ask the Pediatrician: Talking about disasters

Q: The shootings in Newtown, Connecticut last week were devastating for many of us, and even adults are both confused and saddened by the deaths of so many children and employees at an elementary school. How do parents talk to their children about such a tragedy?

A: If your child asks directly about the school shooting, or another tragedy, try to gauge what they are worried about first.  Your child may be worried about themselves, and their school, or they may be thinking of brothers or sisters off at college, or a parent working in a particular environment. Try to address specifically their concerns. Children tend to make news personal to them, and that can be very frightening. Talk calmly and be very clear in your reassurance that your child is safe. Use language that the particular child can understand, and stop frequently to check in with them to see how they are handling the conversation, either by reading their faces or body language, or by asking them directly.  Short conversations at a time may be easier for them to handle.

Q: What about limiting exposure to media?

A: The older the child, the harder it is isolate them from events.  Certainly, if you can be there when they do have media exposure, there is less likely to be harm done. If your child is watching a video on-line or on the television, watch it with them and talk about it. However, repeated exposure to graphic or troubling scenes about which one feels powerless isn’t really good for adults either. For very young children, do not allow them to watch images of tragedy that they do not understand.

Q: What are some signs that your child may be anxious or need additional help?

A: How children react depends to a large extent on how old they are, but there are some things we see with children of all ages. Fears of future tragedies or of events associated with tragedies are common. Especially older children who know that relatives may be in or near a location where a disastrous event has occurred will be particularly affected. In addition children often show loss of interest in usually pleasurable activities, behave like younger children, and have sleep disturbances. If your child shows stress which is worsening over time, and interfering with school or extracurricular activities, I would suggest that some outside counseling be considered. Your pediatrician knows who does this kind of work, and can direct you to an appropriate person or organization.