Tips for step-parents

CHICOPEE, Mass. (Mass Appeal) - As a result of a skyrocketing divorce rate and many individuals delaying marriage well into their thirties, step parenting is becoming increasingly common. 50% of first marriages fail. The number is even higher in second marriages. Initially, a new marriage may seem very romantic; "I love you and of course I love your children".  However, it is not always that easy. Is it?

Dr. Elaine Ducharme , a Clinical Psychologist from Glastonbury, Ct., joined us to share helpful tips and advice.

Taking care of someone else's biological children and blending families can often be difficult, frustrating, anger provoking and thankless.  Three essential concepts step-parents must accept and utilize.

Here are 10 basic guidelines:

1.    Let the biological parents set the rules and do the disciplining.
2.    Earn their respect.
3.    Be realistic about your feelings.
4.    Work to maintain open communication.
5.    Never undermine the children's relationship with the parent who is not in your home.
6.    Know what you are getting yourself into.
7.    Don't rush to add a new baby into the mix.
8.    Be patient.
9.    Try to spend private time with your step child alone and your biologic kids alone
10.  Establish new family traditions.

This is hard work. If you are feeling overwhelmed, frustrated or angry it is helpful to seek the advice of a family therapist. You and your new spouse may have very different ideas about child rearing. You may both be tempted to be extra nice to your own kids out of feelings of guilt.

Kids are super sensitive to inequalities and are likely to let you know it in no uncertain terms! Remember, it is the parent's (not the children's) inability to solve problems that causes marriages to fall apart. But it is also the parents' ability to work together that leads to happy and successful families.

Don't be afraid to ask for help. Blending families can be tricky. Psychologists and other mental health specialists with experience in working with step families can help you learn to successfully solve problems related to blended families.