Maintaining healthy relationships through effective communication

CHICOPEE, Mass. (Mass Appeal) - Good, solid communication is fundamental to healthy relationships, but sometimes it is so much easier said than done!

Jill Rubin, Psychotherapist and Relationship Coach gave us tips on maintaining healthy relationships.

What are you upset about? If you ask this from a truly curious and open intent to learn, you would genuinely be listening to the answer, without trying to affect or change what the person is expressing. You are curious, without an agenda. We can feel if someone is trying to control this and we don’t tend to like it. A person will be more open with us if we are open.

If you can imagine, the same question being asked, but with an intent to control, there would likely be a negative tone to the question, and as an asker of the question you might find yourself wanting to hear a certain response, you may be readying yourself to defend or explain your position, or the person may simply sense your closed energy and may not want to engage in a conversation at all.

Soothe our emotional fires before beginning a conversation - As a general rule of thumb, if it feels urgent, wait. Take time to be with yourself, breathe, go for a walk, practice some soothing/positive self talk.

Consciously set your intent - that is, decide that you’d like to be open, to learn about yourself, the other person and the situation. Get curious, take a student approach. Seek to understand. Orient yourself to what you can learn. No agenda. Take a minute before a communication and honestly ask yourself if you are in this intent. Let go of being right in exchange for being effective.

Know when to disengage - If you can sense that your partner is not in an intent to learn -- if they're attempting to blame, control, speak over you, or are otherwise unable to be open or receptive- that is not in an open,
curious place, you can suggest that you both come back to the conversation when you're both more open to talk (be aware of tone --not said in an angry or controlling way).

Know when to get help - these are some basic tips, but - if you have patterns of communication that are stressing and eroding your relationship(s), you are no longer communicating with someone you care about because you just don’t know how to do it, or communication has turned aggressive or threatening, don’t be afraid to ask for help. The earlier the better, before negative patterns are firmly set in place. Seek out the help of a psychotherapist or relationship coach who specializes in this type of help.

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