(Mass Appeal) – Working with a therapist can often lead to those wonderful moments of enlightenment…the ah-ha moment if you will…. and the same case holds true even if you are working with a sex therapist. Joining us with five things people realize when they start working with a sex therapist is Yana Tallon-HIcks, advice columnist and relationship therapist.
1) Your sex therapist isn’t that scary. Therapists are often portrayed sensationally in shows and movies with closets full of sex toys and walls chock full of suggestive art. Most of us are just therapists who happen to specialize in talking about sex and sexuality and are not that intimidating or unrelatable.
2) Your sex therapist is hard to shock. Shame and silence are pervasive parts of most people’s relationship to sex and sexuality so it makes sense to feel nervous about talking about these personal topics with a stranger. However, your sex therapist has been trained in almost every single element of sex and sexuality and how to listen and respond to other people’s stories about these topics. They’re not judging you!
3) Many of the sexual issues in your life or relationship are actually not sexual issues. They tend to be about communication, unresolved conflicts and resentments, household labor, childcare, work stress, and other non-sexual elements of your life. These everyday dynamics in our relationships and lives heavily influence our desire for and ease with sex so your sex therapist will likely talk to you about these kinds of topics, too.
4) It doesn’t take a lot to make a big change. When we are stuck in a sex rut it can feel like we’ll never be able to get out. Working with a sex therapist can offer new insights you haven’t thought of yet, see underlying dynamics between you and your partner that you’re too close to be able to see yourself, and can help you make small changes that will have a big ripple effect in your overall sex life and relationship.
5) You are normal! A lot of clients worry that their particular sexual issues make them weird, bad, or broken. Almost every single sexual issue that you could have has also been had by somebody else. Many sex therapy issues are actually solved by changing the way we think about our sexual selves and sex lives, not by changing who we are or what we do. It can be really relieving for a lot of clients to learn in sex therapy that they can undo this pattern of thinking about themselves negatively which can have a huge positive impact on their sex lives overall.